im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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