Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
