Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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