Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
