he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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