I wish I only lived at night.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
