I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
bring money and cleavage
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
