You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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