so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
