Your face is a jimmy john
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
