On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
