I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
