why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
