For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
