and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
