i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
