you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
