Pappa wants mamma naked
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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