so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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