"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
