I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
