You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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