Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
