Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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