You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
