Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
