I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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