I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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