i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
