i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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