he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
