hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
