I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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