I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
