Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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