Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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