Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
