I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
