i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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