How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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