You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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