Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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