oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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