He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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