Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
