It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
