I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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