so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
