You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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