ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
