god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
