I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
